Enjoy them

I have many thoughts swirling about at the moment. Thoughts about this season of life, thoughts about our future, thoughts about the Lord and my children. I need time to process, I'm just unsure when that time will come. So for now those thoughts will continue to swirl.

One thing is abundantly clear, though. I must give myself grace. Grace to participate in today with all that it holds, not what I wish it held. I often long for comfort and ease and those longings can lead me to fantasize about times without screaming children or diapers. In doing that I'm missing so much.. Just yesterday Brooks had one of those days that made me want to fast forward 5 years. He wouldn't nap and I desperately needed him to in order to finish work. Instead of freaking out, which is my tendency, I laid with him and let him nurse awhile. Our time together was so sweet. It was visibly clear that my presence was what he wanted and this time I didn't let it annoy me. I let it melt away the stress from my undone to-do lists and I stared at his little face, thinking about who he will become. It makes me sad to think I almost missed that memory with him!

Most days parenting kicks my ass and there are a million things I could do better. But, in striving to give myself grace I'm going to prioritize what's important. And, that priority list will be short. At least for today: ensure they're safe, give them attention, and enjoy them. I'm not going to worry about what lessons I'm withholding, whether they're eating enough veggies, or how much screen time they're getting. Those things are important, but they are matters to concern myself with another day.

Garage sale finds!