I wish I could tell you different. Because I'm tired of telling you of my struggle.
BUT (thank the Lord for the but), God is working.
When I hit bottom on Friday the Lord met me. And he was clear. I am with you, I am in control, and I am enough to see you through this. The peace that came from such a reality was supernatural and it hasn't left. It's what's seeing me through this week.
And, we've had a great one.
With God's help I'm taking in the magnitude of parenting and breathing deeper when parenting opportunities come. I'm taking time to play with my kids, and walking slowly through our days. Walking slowly and praying constantly (or so it feels). I can sense the rooting out of behaviors and attitudes and I don't want to miss it. I want to remember God's grace changing me into one who reflects His character to a needy world, to my needy children. So I'm forcing myself to take moments to process. Even if it's 5 minutes before bed.
You know, as I continue to walk deeper and deeper into this relationship with my Lord I see the depths of my depravity all the more clearly. Some may think this is quite depressing, but I think the opposite. Because the stronger my steps towards Him, the more I understand His magnificence and feel the cost of His sacrifice for my soul; my shortcomings and failures are many. It's in the comparison of my soul to His nature that I'm keenly aware of why He's good and I'm not. Which leads me to say I need thee. Every hour I need thee.