Lately and grace

Wow. Time is sure flying by, isn't it?

I for one am grateful. Not only because every passing day gets me closer to meeting this babe, but we've managed to fill the first part of October with some great stuff.

Now, normally I'm a homebody, but I've really enjoyed, and needed, this busyness: apple-fest, pumpkin patches, running errands, parks, visiting friends, the zoo. Perhaps it's because I know once the baby gets here we will never leave the house. Seriously. We may never leave. But, having activities to fill the day and occupy the kids has been quite refreshing. Who knew?

I've also realized these kids of mine are a lot of work, but I sure do enjoy them. Especially as they get older. The neediness of the early years are extremely hard for me, just read any given blog post from the past year, but I love seeing their curiosity, humor, and perceptions as they mature. It excites me for what's to come. 

I'm also coming to terms with how hard staying home with my kids is. It takes everything out of me and there are days I sit in my chair and cry. I once had aspirations and goals for when I'd become a stay at home mom. Now that I am one, I'm confronted with the harsh reality that I'm a sinner in need of much grace. I need God to change me. Every day I prove to myself and my kids that I can't be loving enough, aware enough, or productive enough. I need a miracle.

I also need eyes to see the cross deeper than I did yesterday and the grace to remember  "the verdict leads to performance" (Keller).