That is until I'm sitting alone with my thoughts and all the glaring ways I've failed God and others that day.
Which is exactly where I've been. Alone with the reality of my shame.
Shame that's rooted in the darkness that lies in the back of my mind. Anger that causes me to lash out at my sweet babies. Self-centerdness that ignores a friend who's dying on the inside. My own agenda that distracts me for days. Pride that runs rampant through my veins. Self-righteousness that assigns dispecable judgements to people's lives.
It's sick really. How deep the ugliness goes.
Yet, as I ponder my own shame I'm reminded of a sermon from Mark Driscoll. He so disturbingly and beautifully reminds that on the cross Christ became all sin. Everything that God detests was laid upon himself so that shameful things would lose their power on me. Lose their power on you. Christ satisfied God's wrath by becoming a murderer, a pedophile, an adulterer, greedy, a liar, and so much more all to free his Church from the penalty of our sin.
He freed me.
He freed us.
Jesus made the way for me to know my Creator, freed me from enslavement to evil, and gave me HIS spirit so I could actually live out the life he's called me to.
I guess when I really think about. When I really preach the gospel to myself, the only thing I'm left to do is marvel at the cross.
Now it feels real...
So I sit, in my own little corner of the world, staring at the children I've been entrusted with and I look to our day. I will continue to preach to myself that God's spirit, because of the cross, will help me:
"put on then, as Gods chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and
"give thanks in all circumstances"
"whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely...think
on these things."
"The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything"
I will also press on in obedience, knowing that failure will always be in my midst. And that's ok. My eyes have been refocused to the gift that is at work within me.
*not exactly my style, but the lyrics sure penetrate the heart.