I'll admit it. I didn't have a clue what that mean't at the time I committed to it. I thought I did. I thought I was signing onto something that would provide endless conversation, amazing sex, romantic vacations, financial security, and some cute, healthy babies.
But it hasn't been about those things. Not entirely.
I think if we're all honest, those of us who are married, would admit that we battle a lot of disappointment and hurt, because our marriages are not all we dreamed they'd be. Am I right?
This has to stem from a severe misunderstanding and expectation that, when broken down, equates to us expecting to marry a slave of a human who's entire existence is to make us happy. Which is not realistic, despite what romantic comedy's tell us.
After 5 years of marriage, I'm realizing that it's actually really good news that my marriage is not about me. Because, if left to my rule I would squander those who mean the most and never truly know what it is to love. I'm that selfish.
So, thank you Jesus. Thank you for saving me from myself and giving me a fighting chance to know what it is to love something other than the sound of my own voice.
A huge thank you is also due to Paul David Tripp for so eloquently teaching us more about this subject of expectations and selfishness within marriage. He is nothing short of amazing and all of you should read his material. http://www.paultrippministries.com/ We've both read, 'Instruments in the Hands of a Redeemer' (well, I'm still reading it b/c I read as if I'm half blind) and we highly recommend it.
So without further ado, here are bits from Tripp's marriage conference.
I pray that even though these are my notes, which means you're getting incomplete thoughts and little background, you obtain healing to your wounds and Truth for your heart.
*Tripp also sells a DVD of the marriage conference, should you be interested in hearing the whole thing.
* I will also post the second portion of notes tomorrow morning. I didn't want to overload you :)
Marriage Conference- "So what did you expect?"
We don’t live in big moments
-if God doesn’t rule the mundane then there’s no hope.
-The character of a marriage is made up of 10,000 little moments
The cross humiliated our righteousness which should free us to be honest; we should be the most honest community on earth
A Marriage of unity, understanding, and love is not rooted in romance, but in worship
Romance is not a cause but a result
Worship is your identity before an activity
Heart= casual core of personhood. Whatever is in control of your heart controls your direction
There’s an organic connection between root and fruit. A good root produces good fruit.
Not good ways to deal with marriage
Threat- scare them into change
These are ways we try to achieve change- we’re incapable of causing change. Change is always a work of divine grace.
Don’t apple nail- Nail good apples to a dying tree.
Your behaviors are formed by what’s inside you. What’s outside is never the cause of actions otherwise everyone would always react the same way.
Implications from Luke 6:43-45, Romans 1:25
All marriage problems are heart problems
Lasting change always travels through the pathway of the heart
I am my biggest problem
This confession is the doorway to change; will also be the dominant, long-term difficulty.
Sin causes us to shrink our lives to the size of our lives
The created world cannot offer spiritual refuge
God is drawing commitment out of us through tough times
The hardship of this world has become a dirty secret in our community
The hope of your marriage is Jesus. He does the one thing we can’t do for ourselves- deliver us from ourselves.
We create a kingdom so small there’s only room for one person’s desires, emotions, etc.
I Want” is how we run our lives- we were never meant to live this way.
The DNA of sin is selfishness. As long as sin is in me selfishness will be there.
Sin is antisocial in form. We were mean’t to live outward and upward lives.
We carry around in ourselves something that is destructive to relationships.
Sin will cause you to dehumanize people. They become obstacles and subjects of emotions
Envy is rooted in selfishness.
It will never be about you, because we’ve been born into a world that was made to celebrate another. When we make it about us it leave us hurt, discontent, and in envy.
Picking each other a part is relational insanity
- Sin still lives in us so we must embrace the hope in the passage (2 Cor 5:14-15). We need to accept his rescue.
Jesus shed his blood to rescue us from ourselves